Those Phrases from A Dad That Rescued Us when I became a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

But the truth rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You're not in a healthy space. You require support. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to talking about the strain on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider failure to communicate between men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a show of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a break - going on a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are in this journey."